


Tell It To My Heart

by LittleSparrow69



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Getting Together, In a park, Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M, Overprotective Jace Wayland, Protective Magnus Bane, Sad Alec, Sleeping Under The Stars, Sweet Magnus, blink and you miss it not so nice Magnus, brief Magnus/OMC, on a glamoured couch, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-14 05:44:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10530117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSparrow69/pseuds/LittleSparrow69
Summary: Alec has a rather emotional evening.  Magnus makes it worse until he makes it better.





	

**Author's Note:**

> First ficlet for this fandom. Love the books, the show, the fanfic! This pairing is new to me but I absolutely adore Malec and hope to post more eventually.

In the end it was Lydia who called off the wedding. It was as if she’d somehow heard what Magnus had said about each of them being lonely for the rest of their lives. 

_“I don’t know if I’ll ever find the love I once had,”_ she said. _“But I don’t want to close myself off from the possibility. You shouldn’t either.”_

Her eyes were too soft, too knowing. Alec had been the one to look away first. 

In the six weeks since, he’d managed to avoid crossing paths with Magnus. Overall it wasn’t too difficult but a few times he’d had to get creative and had flat out refused on two occasions when Izzy and Jace had sought out the warlock’s assistance. 

While he’d not seen Magnus in the flesh since their last conversation…

_You have a choice to make. I will not ask again._

A day had not gone by that he hadn’t thought of the man, despite his best efforts. Hell, he even dreamed about Magnus. Alec had never been flirted with so boldly, had never had anyone show such obvious and shameless interest in him. Ever. He hadn’t known what to do with it. It had been surprising and flattering at first. Usually it was Jace that garnered that kind of attention. It wasn’t until he realized that the innuendo behind Magnus’ flirtation was genuine that Alec realized that he was actually intrigued yet utterly terrified by the prospect. If only that spark of attraction had been one sided it would have made his life so much easier. But it hadn’t been…and Alec longed for something he could never have, never wanted. Until now.

Alec hadn’t responded to Magnus’ final declaration, hadn’t seen or spoken to him since. Unfortunately, that in itself was an answer of sorts. There was no way to take it back. Alec still wasn’t sure if he wanted to. His life was a whole lot less complicated without Magnus Bane in the picture. Of course it was also a whole lot less interesting as well. As much as Alec loved what he did, duty wasn’t enough to fill that corner of his soul that Magnus had awakened. That he hadn’t even known was there until he’d met the man. Magnus was larger than life. He was bright, warm…and magical. 

Alec was none of those things. He lived in the shadows, always behind the scenes. He was a solid and silent presence behind everyone else. His parents. Jace. Isabelle. The loyal and reliable soldier that got the job done but never made too much of a splash. There was nothing special about him. Sure, he had a nice face. He’d heard it before. But that was surface beauty. It could only take one so far. Alec was pretty sure he wouldn’t have survived the inevitable disappointment that was sure to result if he’d given in to Magnus. The man was immortal for heaven’s sake. He’d lived for centuries, met and likely romanced thousands of men and women more interesting than Alec could ever be. No. It was all for the best that he’d put Magnus Bane behind him and moved on. 

His head was in agreement. 

His heart? Not so much. 

That was the likely reason Alec found himself wandering the city just after midnight with no real destination in mind. He’d gone out hunting with Jace and Clary earlier but it was a quiet night and they’d ended up back at the institute a couple of hours ago. He was tired but sleep was the furthest thing from his mind. He’d needed to get out and clear his head. 

It wasn’t until he heard voices that Alec realized he’d ended up at the park. He passed a couple holding hands and a nurse that appeared to be walking home from work. They couldn’t see him of course so it was like he wasn’t even there. Alec wondered if it would matter if they could see him. Would their reaction be any different? So often it seemed that he was overlooked, even by those that meant the most to him. 

On the path ahead he saw a couple making out on a bench in the silver light of the moon. Alec wasn’t going to bother giving them wide berth as they couldn’t see him anyway but as he got closer he heard an urgent, desperate plea, “Back to your place. Now. Unless you want to finish this here.” 

With that he barely had time to move when the speaker rose from the bench and tugged his partner to his feet along with him with an urgency that had them all but stumbling into Alec which surprised everyone. 

“Patience, my dear Julian,” a familiar and amused voice teased. “The night is young…”

The flow of words cut off abruptly as all parties came face to face. 

Alec had frozen in shock, not even blinking as he took in the sight of the slightly mussed warlock. 

“Magnus,” Alec stuttered, at a loss for any words beyond the obvious. 

The moment their eyes met a complicated series of emotions flickered swiftly through Magnus’ gaze only to be replaced with a cool distance that had a lump forming in Alec’s throat. 

“Shadowhunter,” Magnus acknowledged him with a slight nod, as one of many, nothing personal in his greeting.  


Alec found himself unable to respond at all; very aware of the way the pair shared each other’s space and their clasped hands. Comfortable in a way that Alec had never had the opportunity to experience. 

Catching on to the strangely charged moment, Julian asked, “You two know each other?” 

Magnus pursed his lips in consideration and looked Alec up and down dispassionately. 

“No, we really don’t,” Magnus said without inflection. “At least not in any way that truly matters.” 

Alec’s breath hitched involuntarily. He felt as if he’d been punched in the stomach. Hard. The pain was so sudden and so deep that it nearly brought him to his knees. He tried to recover but those few words had shattered what little defense he had left. Long, dark lashes fluttered overtime at the hot sting of tears and he looked away, missing the flash of regret in the warlock’s eyes. 

“Yeah,” Alec’s voice was low and breathless, laced with pain as he tried to stutter his way out of the encounter. “I, uh, I…I’m sorry for… for intruding.” 

Barely aware of what he was saying, only that he wanted the agonizing moment to end, Alec couldn’t help but feel foolish, like he never said the right thing. 

“Ooookay,” Julian chimed in, apparently done with the weird vibe between Magnus and Alec. He gave the man a tug away from Alec. “Now that that’s settled can we get out of here and go back to your place, Mags?” 

The familiarity of the nickname and the closeness it implied may as well have been a slice to Alec’s vein. It was something he would never have. Something he didn’t even know that he wanted until this very moment. He’d been fooling himself the last six weeks, holding on to those few and fleeting moments like they could actually sustain him. 

The pause was infinitesimal, only noticeable because Alec had been listening for Magnus’ voice. 

“Of course, darling,” Magnus declared with far less luster than usual, yet Alec only heard the words and the term of endearment that reminded him once again that he was not special. Magnus had pet names for everyone. Not for him though. Not anymore. 

Alec heard their voices fade away, leaving him alone in the dark. He tried to leave, to continue on his walk, but found himself sinking to the bench instead. He’d never felt so lost or alone. Physical pain he could deal with but this? This was torture. Hollowed out and hurt, Alec was oblivious to the fine tremor working its way through him despite the warm summer air. 

A tug on the parabatai bond made itself known. It had been pulsing with Jace’s concern for the last several minutes. Alec was in entirely too much pain to do anything more than close himself off and send Jace a wordless but firm message to leave him alone. 

Head in his hands, elbows perched on his knees, Alec rocked back and forth. He didn’t know. He had no idea that anything could hurt this much. Had he…was that what Magnus had felt like? Had Magnus hurt like Alec was hurting now? Because of him? All Alec knew was that it was unbearable. He couldn’t stand the thought that he may have caused Magnus the same pain he was feeling right now. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” Alec whispered over and over again, pressing the heels of his hand to both eyes. “I’m so sorry.”  


Alec had no idea how long he was lost in his own misery. The touch, when it came, was nearly as unexpected as the kind voice that accompanied it. 

“Alexander?” 

Magnus crouched before him, one hand curled around Alec’s calf, bestowing him with a look of such compassion and concern that he nearly wept from it. 

“Magnus,” Alec breathed, not sure if what he was seeing was actually real but needing to get the words out regardless. “Magnus, I…I didn’t know. “ Alec’s fist went to his chest, over his heart and his voice cracked. “I didn’t know how much it would hurt. I’m sorry.” 

Magnus looked pained at the admission.

“No, sweetheart,” Magnus said softly and so very carefully that Alec couldn’t help but wonder if he appeared as fragile on the outside as he felt on the inside. “It is I who must ask for your forgiveness. I was purposely cruel and I regretted it immediately.”

It was the gentle tone that did it. A warm tear slipped free as Alec responded with words that he fully believed to be true. “I deserved it.” 

“No, dear one,” Magnus tenderly insisted, swiping the tear away with the pad of his thumb. “You’ve done no such thing. I pushed for something you weren’t ready for. When I heard of your engagement to Lydia I’m afraid I just couldn’t help myself.” If possible Magnus’ voice softened even more. “I didn’t want to lose you.” 

Alec had no idea what it was about him that Magnus found so appealing. Maybe now was the time to lay it all on the table, let the warlock know exactly what a mess he really was. 

“I don’t know what I’m doing Magnus,” Alec admitted with naked, tired honesty. “I’ve never done this before. I’ve never really wanted to do this before. I can’t stop thinking about you but I don’t know what I’m doing, I don’t know… and now it’s too late…” 

Alec was babbling and he knew it but couldn’t seem to help himself. Magnus surprised him by moving to the bench and pulling him, unresisting, into his arms. 

“Shhhhhhh,” Magnus soothed as one hand went to the back of Alec’s head and pulled him to his shoulder. “There, there my sweet angel, all is not as dire as it appears. I promise. Everything’s going to be just fine.” 

Alec shook his head to the contrary, unable to see beyond the moment, emotionally and mentally exhausted. 

“It’s true,” Magnus insisted. “I shall do everything in my power to ensure it.” 

“You…you said you wouldn’t ask again,” Alec whispered, as if he feared the reminder. 

Magnus sighed even as he stroked his hand through Alec’s hair. 

“I lied,” the warlock flat out admitted. “I was hurt and I let my pride get the better of me. Not my finest moment, I’m afraid. I’m sorry for any part those words may have played in your current state.” 

Alec wasn’t sure what that meant. Did that mean Magnus would give him another chance? Even as his mind rebelled against the thought of admitting his feelings, his body was entirely too willing to sink into the safety of the embrace the warlock offered. It felt so good just to be held. 

“What does that mean?” Alec was too tired to guess and get it wrong. He had no basis of experience and he just wanted it spelled out for him so he didn’t make a fool of himself. 

Magnus continued to stroke a hand over the back of his head, Alec sinking deeper into his hold, even as he held his breath in anticipation. 

“It means, my precious Alexander, that I will give you all the time you need,” Magnus informed him. “I have but one condition.” 

Alec was entirely too tired and comfortable to physically tense in Magnus’ arms, but every internal function seemed to pause as he awaited the terms of this unexpected condition. Thankfully Magnus didn’t keep him waiting long, and in fact, seemed to sense the sudden dread that filled him and soothed him gently as he spoke. 

“You must stop avoiding me, dear one. That’s all I ask.” 

It was a reasonable request. The thought of spending time with Magnus scared him in ways he’d never experienced before – one minute it felt like he was floating and the next he was falling. It was overwhelming, invigorating and confusing all at the same time. But the thought of never seeing Magnus again was a painful mixture of loss and loneliness and longing that he never again wanted to experience. 

Alec was lost in his silence when Magnus tipped his chin up to meet his gaze, eyes searching and concerned. 

“Can you do that for me, Love?” Magnus asked. "Give us the chance to get to know one another a little better?"

Alec’s breath caught at the array of emotions in the warlock’s eyes, the least of which was a rare glimpse of vulnerability that Alec realized he was being allowed to witness. He decided if Magnus was brave enough to give him another chance, then he would be brave enough to take it. 

Alec nodded and with heartfelt sincerity promised, "Yeah, I...I'd like that. 

Magnus kissed his forehead tenderly and pulled him closer, leaning backwards. Alec was oblivious to the quiet snap of fingers that conjured fluffy and oversized pillows to make them more comfortable. 

After several easy moments of silence in which Alec faintly realized he was warm and comfortable, drifting in the warlock's arms, Magnus drew his attention. 

“Is there anywhere you need to be Alexander? Is anyone expecting you?” 

If he were more awake Alec may have been embarrassed, or wrongly interpreted the question in the sense that Magnus had better things to do. He was too tired to be anything but honest. 

“No,” he whispered. “I’m exactly where I want to be.” 

The hand in his hair paused and was accompanied by a small hitch of breath. 

“As am I,” was the warlock’s eventual response. 

Alec was pretty sure he’d actually fallen asleep for a few moments when another question occurred to him. 

“What about Julian?” he asked, head tucked against Magnus’ shoulder, voice low but steady. 

Magnus sighed. 

“A distraction at best,” he admitted. “He knew from the beginning it wasn’t serious. I made that clear.” 

“I’m sorry,” Alec apologized, only now beginning to understand the unintentional hurt he’d caused. Not just for himself and Magnus but now someone else as well. It didn’t set very well. “I’m an idiot.” 

A small huff of laughter as Magnus shifted his hold slightly to make them both more comfortable. 

“You’re young, darling. Let’s leave it at that.” 

Magnus was always so willing to give him the easy way out. Alec didn’t think he deserved it in this case but he was too tired to argue. He drifted again, peripherally aware of the small nudge of familiar magic guiding him in the direction of much needed sleep. It was mild and Alec could have easily resisted. He chose not to. 

***

Magnus closed his eyes as Alec slipped into slumber, safe and warm in his arms. With barely a thought the park bench was transformed into a soft, plush sofa that would allow for hours of comfort if needed. Pillows were one thing but Magnus didn’t want to give Alec the wrong idea by whipping up a sofa out of nowhere. While progress had been made, his little lamb was still easily startled. He could and would take it slow if that’s what Alec needed. 

The look of devastation on the boy’s face earlier had nearly gutted him. Magnus hadn’t felt so ashamed of himself in a very long time. It had been hard to walk away but he’d managed it, if only far enough away to give the shadowhunter some space. He’d glanced back as the young man faltered and sank to the bench as if his knees could no longer hold him. His boy had been in such obvious, visceral pain that Magnus could do nothing but go to him. 

Julian had paused with him, eyes darting back and forth between them. 

“He’s the one isn’t he?” he asked. “The one you’re trying to forget.” 

The look on Magnus’ face was answer enough. 

The chuckle he received in return was not one of mirth. 

“It figures,” Julian responded in resignation. “I know we agreed upfront that this was nothing more than a fun fling. And it was, at first. Somewhere along the way that changed for me.” 

Magnus was startled into silence. He’d had no idea and really hadn’t invested much of himself beyond the sex and the parties they attended. 

“I’m sorry,” Magnus admitted with regret. 

Julian nodded but the hurt Magnus caused was evident. 

“Save it,” Julian responded. “Maybe next time you have a fight with your boy you don’t go dragging anyone else into the mix, huh?”  


Magnus felt terrible. There was nothing he could say to make it better. He’d hurt two people he cared about tonight. One that had been a friend before this had started and the other – a young man whom he felt a connection with like no other. 

He’d taken a step back towards Alec without even realizing it until Julian snorted. 

Magnus paused in empathy but it was obvious all he really wanted to do was get to Alec. 

“Go,” Julian encouraged with pained sympathy, perhaps recalling the clear parameters of no emotional entanglements that Magnus had laid out in the beginning. “I hope it works out for you.” 

Magnus was already walking backwards, away from him. Apologizing again would do neither of them any good. Instead he said, “Thank you.” 

In his sleep, Alec nestled closer and Magnus couldn't help but savor the quiet intimacy. He’d gladly hold this boy for all of eternity if allowed. Alec was a solid, sleepy weight against him, innocent and unprotected in his sleep but for Magnus. It was not a gift the warlock took lightly. He was in deep and he knew it. He would kill for the boy in his arms, but more importantly, he would die for him as well. It was a sobering thought. He’d not felt so strongly for another in many centuries, and even then, that relationship had barely touched the breadth of his feelings for _this_ boy. 

The presence Magnus sensed nearby was silent and stealthy, but not near enough to clear his wards without detection. Once the intruder was identified Magnus lowered them enough to allow the young man to approach. Jace Wayland paused just shy of the _bench_ dressed in his black TAC gear and that fall of blonde hair that so clearly distinguished him from the Lightwood siblings. 

One brow raised, stance subtly protective, he gazed down at his slumbering parabatai. 

“Wake him,” Magnus warned in all seriousness, “and I will turn you into a squirrel.” 

Jace met his gaze with a threat of his own. 

“Hurt him,” he promised, “and I _will_ kill you.” 

Magnus pursed his lips. 

“Touché,” he said. 

“I’m serious, Bane,” Jace continued. "If you're messing with him..." 

“I’m not,” Magnus infused his words with a flash of yellow cat eyes and an intensity that had Alec stirring. 

Jace watched as the warlock quieted his exhausted parabatai, saying nothing for a long moment after Alec had settled again. 

“Alec’s not like the rest of us. He’s…sensitive. Takes things to heart.” 

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Magnus retorted. 

Fingers carding through thick, dark hair with one hand, Magnus stroked lightly over Alec's wrist with the other, the touch careful and light. Reverent. 

Jace watched him closely, realization quietly dawning in both his expression and his voice, "You're in love with him"

Magnus pierced the shadowhunter with a fierce gaze. 

“Is that a problem for you?” 

Jace looked taken aback. 

“No, no, of course not,” he replied quickly. 

Magnus eyed him warily but accepted the truth of his statement. 

“He, ah, he just,” Jace uncharacteristically stumbled through his words. “He deserves that you know.” 

Magnus smiled. “Now that we can agree on.” 

There looked to be more that Jace wanted to say but in the end he apparently decided that now was not the time. He paused once at the edge of Magnus’ wards. 

“Maryse is expecting all of us for breakfast for a strategy meeting,” Jace informed. 

“I will see that Alexander makes it home safely and timely,” Magnus assured. 

Wards and glamour back in place, Magnus settled in to enjoy a night under the stars. Sleep was the furthest thing from his mind. He didn’t want to miss a moment of Alec in his arms. While Magnus sensed a shift in their relationship, he was under no illusion that slow and steady would be the best way to win his shadowhunter’s heart. 

He could do patient. 

Alec was definitely worth waiting for. 

 

THE END.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! If you enjoyed it at all I'd love to know <3
> 
> EDITED 12/1/17: Cleaned up some clunky dialogue. Hopefully it reads a tad smoother now.


End file.
